The past year has been a great year for me. One thing I've gained a lot of is independence. Being away and having to deal with many things on my own has taught me to develop an inbuilt survivor instinct. It has taught me lots of social skills and tested my principles and boundaries one too many times. But I'm proud to say that I didn't let myself down by ceding to the whims of (to be melodramatic for a bit) evils. While I have had many times of handling the situation wrongly and taking a detour to my destination, each time is an experience. Live and learn. I hope that the coming year ahead will continue to be evidence of my personal strength.

My year ended in a slight note of depression (the awfully horrible Channel 5 live show of the Countdown in Singapore honestly didn't help the situation at all - what happened to local talents?! I reckon it's embarrassing to say that we have any talent given that display on TV.) and my new year started with a trying situation. My first few hours of 2012 saw me in a situation of tears and then the first few hours in the morning, again. It was the experience of planning and booking the weekend getaway during the Chinese New Year period for Josh, Val and I. Despite making the effort to go down to the bank when I got back to update all my details, the bank still managed to mess up big time and I wasn't able to proceed with my payment. It was stressful cos there was only a short reservation time for booking flights and hotels before it expires and you got to go through the process again. I went through the process a good six times at least! Each time, there's a risk that it may become more expensive or unavailable. STUPID UOB! I was so stressed up, but finally with help from the parental units, the issue was solved. I feel much better now that everything is settled, but also I learnt that sometimes Life throws you obstacles that are not your fault/doing, instead of getting overly frustrated and upset, you should focus on the problem and try to find a solution for it.

Wiser each day.

Too soon for twenty twelve, I reckon.

But, really excited for all that's to come in future.

Don't hold your breath.

I know no relationship/kinship/friendship is perfect in this world, but lately I've been finding it really hard to cope with the many little strains I've experienced in all of them. And it's making me really upset. While away for almost one year, I've realised that it is possible for me to handle stressful situations calmly and slowly. Occasionally, I lose it and revert back to the old me of handling things - getting upset and annoyed easily with everyone and not really solving the issue at hand. But I have seen myself mature into a more sensible person. Lately though, I'm feeling as if I am reverting back to my old self more and more. I hate myself for that. Where is my willpower and self-discipline? On top of that, I am faulted and made to explain the situation. I am trying my hardest and I hate the word "try", but it's honestly the only thing I can do at this point for time. I am so disappointed with myself and I don't think anyone will be able to understand the effect that has on me. I've seen that change, why is it disappearing?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh. JUST NEED SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND AND STOP HOLDING ME IN ALL THESE HIGH EXPECTATIONS. STOP, because I can feel myself this close to bursting.