I'm 19, and as I was reminded by quite a number, it's the last of my "teen" years. Soon, I'll be an adult. The day I turned 19, I had this weird mix of emotions hanging around me like an annoying housefly. It made me rather uncomfortable the entire day, even though the random people coming by my room and friends wishing me and lovely dinner with my closest few in Canberra made it momentarily better, it still lingered. While I think it was really hard that the family wasn't around me that day and that's what caused some of the weird mood, I can't quite put a finger to exactly what it is still.

Like the butterfly, a part of me wants to spread my wings of independence and fly, conquer this huge, beautiful and exciting world. A part of me wants to stay in the comfort that I've known my entire life and just live. Though the latter is definitely not as prominent as the former. Inwardly, I'm terribly excited but also terribly frightened. What will this year bring? Love? Heartache? Newfound friendships? Reunions? Adventures? I'm not sure if stepping out of 18, I'm ready for all that yet. I have a feeling it'll be like a huge wave that hits me when I least expects it. I mean, the first wave has already come along.

I've taken a step of being out of my comfort zone - it scares me, in case you're not aware. I'm an assured girl, confident and independent in my own right. When it comes to my heart and emotions, however, like you, vulnerability is what freaks me out. Being with you forces me to be independent and mature more than and quicker than the pace I've been comfortable with. It's not a bad thing, though I'm not sure if it's a good thing either. You've been there, done that. So I suppose you can be over it at this stage of your life. But I haven't been through those stages of my life yet and while I would love to match up in thoughts, feelings and all, sometimes I wish you would cut me some slack and indulge me. Not for any other reason apart from the reason that my growing up takes time. Once in a while, I don't think that's a lot to ask for. You're an interesting and lovely being. Awfully annoying at times, but I've seen a side that's just wonderful, sweet and caring. It's what tells me that behind that steel-faced attitude and confidence, there's a human side of you that's simply just beautiful. And it's fun when you show a tinge of it :P

Well, I guess it takes a little getting used to, but I hope this will stay with me through this coming year. And side by side, we'll grow together as a person, friend and lover. Goodbye 18, you've been a joy to be in. I've grown so much and experienced so much during then and I'll always treasure those memories. But 19 promises growing up, 19 promises more wonders ahead. Deep breaths, Cheryl. You can do this. :)